Sailor Irk
by Allekha
Summary: The humans have taken over the empire, chasing the Irkens back to their homeworld. Monsters are appearing on Irk. Zim, as Sailor Irk, must protect Irk while helping to search for the only person who can stop this...
1. Disastrous Zim's Transformation!

Disclaimer: Invader Zim is owned by people not me. So is Sailor Moon.

A/N: This is my first IZ fic, so hopefully I kept Zim IC. This was inspired by KnuxZ's 'Sailor Zim, Transform' (http : // www . deviantart . com / deviation / 52426399 /) Just a few things you should know before you read this: None of the characters from Sailor Moon will show up in this story. Tallest Miyuki didn't get eaten because Zim never got the chance to make the blob that ate her. Red and Purple are a bit shorter, and Zim is a few inches taller, as well as not being so hated/disastrous.. I might hint at a few different pairings, but I doubt there'll be anything concrete.

Please let me know if you think I should continue this.

* * *

Zim walked down the streets of Irk, heading towards where he parked his Voot Cruiser. He was returning to guard duty after his daily break. 

Just thinking about why he was stuck on Irk doing guard duty instead of having a chance to conquer a planet almost made his blood boil. Those stupid humans had been the one species that had seen them edging closer - and fought back. While human technology was, for the most part, not even comparable to Irken technology, the humans did have decent enough computers and programmers. One Irken ship flew too close to the planet and was hacked into.

Once the humans had one ship, it had all gone downhill.

The humans had used the one ship to make others, occasionally making improvements. They made their own armada... and started building their own empire.

At first, the Irkens had just brushed them off as an annoyance. It took until the humans started taking over Irken planets for them to realize that the humans might be a threat. But by then, it was too late. The Irkens watched as their empire crumbled under the humans. Thankfully, they had skipped over Irk, where the last of the Irkens were sheltering.

But strange things were happening on Irk, things that had nothing to do with the humans. Nobody was quite sure what, because those that ran for their lives never caught much detail, and those that stayed... died.

Zim snarled at the air. More than a few soldiers had gotten killed off, and the remaining ones were being worked harder to compensate. It would be another couple of years at least before the next generation of soldiers would emerge from the hatcheries.

Suddenly, he heard a noise coming from the narrow space between two buildings. Was that a smeet?

Carefully, the short Irken edged himself into the space. Up ahead, he could see three smeets poking at a SIR unit.

"What are you doing?" he said.

The three smeets jumped at the sound of his voice and immediately turned to face him, accidentally kicking the SIR behind them as they did so.

"Where did you get that SIR from? Did you steal it from one of the Elites? And why are you not in the hatcheries?" Zim's voice turned harsher.

The smeets trembled fearfully. The smallest, a female with green eyes, spoke up first. "What kind of Elite takes off their SIR's antenna? We just found it on the ground!"

One of the others, a male with red eyes, spoke up after her. "And we came out because we wanted to see what the surface is like!"

"Good job!" The smeets blinked in confusion. "Now go back right away a resume your training!"

"Yes sir!" The trio scampered off.

With the smeets gone, Zim focused his attention on the SIR. It blinked and stared at him.

Its antenna was missing, just as the smeets had said. The parts that were grey on normal SIRS were black on this one, and the red parts were dark grey. It had a pink crescent moon on its forehead. For a minute, it and Zim just stared at each other.

Then Zim realized that if kept dawdling, he would be late. "Go back to your owner!" he barked, and then ran off.

The SIR tilted its head, watching him for a moment longer. 'Perhaps he is the one?'

* * *

Zim trudged home with his head down. He could hardly wait to go to his room and eat junk food and _rest_ for once. 

"Hey, Zim, did you hear? There's a huge sale at that snack place near here. D'you want to come with us?" Zim turned and saw another two soldiers, a couple of females, waving at him.

"Not today."

"Alright then, your loss!"

Zim just sighed and resumed walking. He never noticed the oddly-colored SIR following him.

Zim gave a sigh of relief and slumped against the door as soon as he walked in. The constant work was starting to take a toll on him, much as he hated to admit it. He walked over to his food storage unit and grabbed a couple of donuts, eating them as he walked over to his bed and crawled onto it. While he ate the second one, he stared out the window. The planet was rotating away from the sun, giving the appearance of the sun setting. The dying light lit up the purple clouds, making the sky much more dramatic looking. After he finished the donut, Zim lay down to go to sleep. He was so tired, his PAK actually needed for him take a break.

As he slept, the oddly-colored SIR crawled in through the window. It watched him for a while. Then it walked over and started poking the back of his head.

"Go away..." Zim murmed in his sleep, trying to shove the SIR away. Finding that this was not waking the Irken up, the SIR tried something different: it tugged on Zim's antennae. _Hard._

THAT woke Zim up. He tumbled off the bed, screaming and clutching his sensitive antennae. He glared at the SIR, before recognizing as the one he had seen earlier. He picked it up and tried to throw it out the window. "GO BACK TO YOUR OWNER!" The SIR giggled insanely in response. Zim dropped it.

"Hello, I'm Luna!" it said. "And you're Zim, aren't you? Thank you for rescuing me from the smeets."

Zim started to back away, wondering if he should get his PAK checked.

"Don't worry, you're not crazy," said Luna, as if she could read his mind. "There is something very important I need you to help me with."

Luna did a backflip. Sparkles followed her path. The sparkles converged into a broach. Zim inspected it warily. The outside was pink, with blobs of purple. It resembled Irk seen from space.

"You know how all the weird stuff has been going on? Well, I'm trying to find the person who can put a stop to it and save Irk! That person is called the Irken Hero, but unfortunately I can't remember what the Hero looks like. I don't even know if I'm looking for a male or female Irken! Until the Hero is found, you'll have to do. You are Sailor Irk!"

Zim listened to the SIR speak. When she finished, he picked up the broach and opened it. On the inside, it was coated in metal with dark pink gems in the shape of the Irken military symbol.

"Use it!"

Zim started and turned towards Luna. "What?"

"Say 'Irk Doom Power, Make Up!"

Zim attached the broach to the center of his uniform, right under his collar.

"Say it!"

Zim sighed, deciding that it could not hurt to try what the crazy SIR said. "Irk Doom Power, Make Up!" he shouted, raising his hand.

His clothes... disappeared, and all he could see was glowing colors surrounding him, and in him. He blinked his eyes, and started spinning, his antennae losing their stiffness and becoming longer. From the locket sprung pink ribbons, which wrapped around his torso and solidified into a leotard. He spun more and crossed his arms over his head. More pink ribbons formed gloves up to his elbows. Then more ribbons made boots which came up to just above his knees. Spinning around more, a short pair of shorts formed, and even more ribbons solidified into his PAK. He curled up, and then arched his back, a tiara with a dark pink gem in the middle appearing on his forehead with the ends curling around his antennae, which by now reached just below his knees. He opened his eyes just as two round spheres, dark pink with white on the edge, appeared at the base of his antennae. He struck a pose that said 'Glance at me wrong and I'll rip your spleen out'.

A second later, and Zim was standing in his room. His eyes twitched slightly.

"See? You ARE Sailor Irk! What's wrong?"

"Too much skin showing..." Irkens covered themselves almost completely most of the time. Usually, the only times they did not, was when they were around people they were close to... like their mates (when they had had mates) or lovers.

Zim staggered over to the mirror, wanting to know what he looked like.

The leotard was a light purplish color, the shorts were dark pink, the gloves and boots were dark pink with a dark purple border, the collar was dark pink with two dark purple stripes, and the bow on his front was dark purple. He also had a dark pink choker with a round thing that looked like the outside of the broach that was affixed to his chest.

He twitched again. "Shouldn't this be on a female instead?"

"I think it looks nice on you," said Luna. "The color of the pink parts looks just like that of your eyes."

Suddenly, several loud screams ripped through the air. Zim and Luna both turned towards them.

"Irkens are in trouble, Zim! You have to save them!" Luna said dramatically. When he did not look terribly convinced, she added, "It's your duty to the Empire! The Tallest would want you to save them, wouldn't she?"

This seemed to convince him, as he nodded and pulled out his spider legs and ran off towards the shrieks.

* * *

The screams where coming from the snack shop that the two females had gone to earlier. 

When he stepped inside, Zim saw many Irkens thrown about on the floor, and the owner being strangled by a monster.

"Stop!" Zim shouted.

The monster, which looked like a human-demon with too-tight skin, turned only its head to look at him. "And who are you?" it asked in a scratchy voice.

Zim thought for a moment, before some words suddenly popped into his head.

"I am Sailor Irk! I shall protect Irk and its Tallest from scum like you!" He did some wavy arm movements. "In the name of Irk, I will doom you!"

'This. Is. Weird.'

"Sailor Irk?" the monster said. "Never heard of you. Ah well. Minions, rise and attack this Sailor Irk!"

Zim gave a small 'Eep!' and tried to use his PAK to make a shield around himself. Tried.

"Why isn't this working?!" he shouted as he stuffed himself between to crates for protection.

"Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that only your mechanical legs will work while you are Sailor Irk."

Zim turned his head to find Luna sitting on the edge of a crate. "Oh, and say, 'Irk Doom Tiara'."

Zim unsquished himself from in-between the crates and grabbed his tiara. "Alright!"

"Irk Doom..." he said, spinning around with his tiara (which was now glowing black)."Tiara!" He threw the tiara at the monster. It let out a scream of pain and rage and turned to dust. All the zombified Irkens collapsed.

* * *

A few hours of sleep later, Zim walked to work again. Luna insisted on following him. Zim pretended the SIR did not exist. 

"Hi Zim!" The same females from yesterday waved at him. "Did you hear? Another monster appeared yesterday, but we all got saved by somebody who called himself Sailor Irk!"

Zim groaned. "So?"

The females ignored him, now chattering amongst themselves. Zim sighed and continued walking to work.


	2. The Food Haven Houses Monsters!

Somewhere between the middle and the edge of the Capital City on Irk, there was a small snack shop. Despite its small size, it was very popular - a line of Irkens shifting from foot to foot stretched out of the door and around the corner.

One Irken asked another, "He makes really good food, doesn't he?"

The other Irken answered, "Yeah, he's even made it onto the news!"

Another Irken walked up to the end of the line. "Wow, this place is popular."

Nobody noticed how the shadows sudden shifted unnaturally.

'Irkens...'

* * *

"What? You still have not found the Platinum Crystal?" 

"No."

"Hurry! Our leader demands energy!"

"We shall find it."

"Jedite!" A shadow drew itself up and became a solid, male, human form.

"As you most likely heard, we still do not possess the Platinum Crystal. Therefore, you will go out and gather Irken energy."

"Yes, Queen Bitters."

As the human melted back into shadows, Queen Bitters stared into her... crystal ball was the closest name for it.

'Doom, doom, doom...'

* * *

Luna stared at Zim, and then checked her internal clock. She looked at Zim again, and then double checked her clock. 

Zim was going to be late if he did not awaken soon.

So Luna pulled herself onto the bed and started poking him. Nothing happened. Then, remembering what had worked the first time, she tugged on his antennae. She watched as Zim shrieked in pain, fell off of the bed, and glared at her with his strongest glare. She watched as he realized that he was running late, and dashed off to guard duty.

* * *

Zim sighed in relief as he exited the ship bay. Once again, he'd had a long shift, and once again, absolutely nothing had happened. Maybe the humans knew that the Irkens would put up a good fight, and were avoiding them. 

Or maybe they were waiting to take over Irk last.

Lost in hateful thoughts about the humans, Zim never noticed that Larb stuck a foot out to trip him. He tripped, and, unfortunately for him, there was a staircase right in front of him. Going down. He fell down the whole staircase, and as he got up, he gave Larb a glare, ignoring the laughter all around him.

He walked home along a different route than he normally did. He stopped in front of a snack shop. Blinking, he realized that this was the one famous for the very good food that usually had a really long line. He stepped inside.

Nobody but the owner and Zim was inside the building. The owner looked up as Zim stepped in, and smiled.

Zim looked back. The owner was an aging male with slightly sunken green eyes.

Between them, there was a counter with a delicious assortment of snack foods on it. Just looking at them almost made his mouth water.

"Did something happen here? Usually this place has a long line..."

"I imagine it might have something to do with the new competition," the owner replied, pointing across the street. Zim turned and saw a brightly colored building advertising cheap, delicious snacks. He turned back, looking at the food on the counter. Just then, he remembered that he had left all his monies at home.

"I'd buy something... but I don't have any monies with me," he said.

"Mm." Zim blinked as he was handed a donut. "Here, have this for free, as thanks for just coming in."

Zim took a bite.

The words 'good' or 'fantastic' or 'marvelous' did not even begin to describe the taste. He stared off into space for a few minutes, before snapping back to his senses.

"This soldier thanks you," he said, then turned around and started to run back home.

He did have to make sure that Luna had not destroyed his apartment, after all.

* * *

As it turned out, Luna had cleaned up it up, not destroyed it. When he entered, she was just sitting in the window, looking out over Irk. 

"Your food is gone. And the Distance Food Ordering & Delivery is down for maintenance."

"Again?!"

"Yep. Somebody keeps hacking in and messing the whole thing up, apparently."

Zim groaned tiredly and grabbed some monies. Great day this was turning out to be.

* * *

Zim would have stopped by the snack shop later, but it was closed. Briefly, he contemplated going into 'Food Haven', but if he did not hurry there would be no time for him to sleep, and he was incredibly tired. 

The next day, at work, Zim was just going to get his day's assignment when he noticed something odd. Larb, and several other Irkens, were standing around in a group, not talking, not moving, not looking at anything.

A few seconds later, they started throwing rocks. At machinery, at other Irkens, at anything in sight.

Zim ducked behind a table, where a pair of Irkens was also taking shelter.

"What the heck is wrong with them?" one of them wondered out loud.

"How am I supposed to know? All I do know is that all of them went to that new food place yesterday, the one that just opened a day or few ago!" the other shouted back.

Zim's eyes narrowed.

And then they widened again as he was pulled out. Larb was grinning at him strangely.

"Hello, _Zim_..." he said, gripping tighter. "Do you know how high a fall you can survive?" When Zim did not answer, he said, "Let's go find out, then..."

"NO!" Zim somehow managed to rip his arms out of Larb's grip. "How DARE you speak of Zim that way! Don't touch Zim either!"

The Irkens that had been acting oddly backed away as the shorter Irken continued yelling at the top of his lungs. "Let's go someplace else!" one yelled, and they took off.

Zim started to follow, but Luna jumped in front of him. "Zim, I sense evil energy from them! We must find the source of this!"

"Food Haven."

Luna blinked. "That was quick."

"Of course! I am ZIM!"

* * *

"Very good, everybody. Now, I want you to go through to whole town..." 

"Yes, mistress."

"Worse than those Earth Huuumans are those who turn Irk's citizens against it!" a voice called out.

"Who...?"

The doors burst open, and in their place stood Sailor Irk. "In protection of Irk! I am the sailor-suited pretty soldier, Sailor Irk! In the name of the Tallest, I will doom you!" Where had _those_ words come from?

"Sailor Irk...? It does not matter who you are, you are DOOMED!"

Several pieces of a human food called 'cake' flew past him, just barely missing. "Minions, attack!"

All the other Irkens turned and reached out towards Sailor Irk.

"Hurry, Sailor Irk! Use you tiara!" And, of course, Luna was being little help.

"Irk Doom... Tiara!" Being very careful to miss the other Irkens, the tiara cut through the monster and turned it to dust.

The Irkens blinked as the spell on them broke.

"What just happened?" somebody asked.

"Hey, who's that?" another said, pointing at Sailor Irk.

Deciding it would be a good idea to get to work, Sailor Irk ran off.

* * *

"I did what!?" Larb exclaimed, his jaw dropping. 

"You and some other people threw a bunch of rocks. You nearly hit some of us, too."

Larb groaned and banged his head against the wall. Zim, passing by, took the opportunity to shove him down the flight of stairs they were next to.

"Nobody trips Zim without suffering the wrath of ZIM!" he yelled, and then went off to his work.

* * *

A/N: The image of Zim calling himself a 'pretty soldier' makes me laugh really, really hard. 

Disclaimer: Neither Invader Zim nor Sailor Moon belong to me.


End file.
